Friday, July 3, 2009

Plugged in and zoned out

Normally I work afternoon/evening hours, but today I was able to come in to work super early which happily means I get to leave early too. An afternoon at home? What will I do with myself? However, the unfortunate side effect of coming it at 6:30 in the morning after a fitful night's sleep thanks to a teething baby means that I'm pretty dang tired and zoned out. I would like to point out though that I am amazed by how much more of a morning person I am now that I am used to waking up early every day with the baby. Several years ago, back in my single days (read: late nights and sleeping in), I had to work at 6:00 AM once a week, and I seriously felt like DEATH was knocking at the door when I'd wake up at that unholy hour.

Anyhoo, where was I? Oh yes. So I've been sitting in my little cubicle, staring at my computer for hours, bored out of my mind and totally zoned out. My eyes have been glued to my two glowing screens for what feels like eternity, and I feel as though every data point I enter into a spreadsheet sucks out a little more of my soul. I decided to take a break and go outside to sit on the concrete curb and watch the cars drive by on the feeway. Ah, nature!

But what do I do once I settle myself on the curb? Pull out my BlackBerry and check my emails, that's what!! Another little screen to stare at! BAH! I instantly realized what I was doing and was disgusted with myself. What is it about modern day humans that makes us feel the need to be entertained and informed all the time? Why is it so hard to sit and just be for a little while? I had to consciously tell myself to put away my phone and relax. Enjoy the sunshine on my face. Listen to the sound of a chirping bird over the roar of trucks on the freeway. Watch the cute little potato bugs (or pill bugs, or roly-polies, whatever you call them where you are) feel thier way around in the dirt. Let my thoughts wander.

I'm no psychologist or sociologist, so I have no authority when saying this, but maybe that's why so many of us are so messed up. We're so distracted by a million things all the time- TV, internet, radio, cell phones, magazines, etc.- that we don't ever experience who we really are at the core. We aren't in touch with our thoughts or feelings. Instead we choose to see what the rest of the world is doing ALL THE TIME. As a result, we miss out on what we need deep down. We don't really evaluate how we feel and plan a course of action. We don't discover our passions or talents that make us truly happy, because we're too absorbed in seeing what the newest status updates on Facebook are. Maybe this is all a bunch of psycho-babble. I just couldn't help but notice how when I went outside to escape work, I was still attemtping to escape just being me.

Time to unplug for a bit. I'm out.