Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The new diet plan

I have a wish. An unoriginal wish that every woman (and probably a lot of men) wish for all the time. I wish getting skinny would be a heck of a lot easier. And that money would grow on trees, but we all learned from our parents a long time ago that that will never happen. Don't you think we'd be a happier people if losing weight were easier? We could actually devote a good portion of our time and stress to other, more worthy things, you know?

I'm not talking about a magic pill or anything. I still think that being thin should require some degree of self-control and health consciousness. I'd just like it to be more...I don't know...intuitive maybe. For example, I have a terrible sweet tooth. It's overpowering at times. In fact, I think it's developed it's own personality over the last few years. It can be very tempermental, you don't want to mess with my sweet tooth. Every time I eat a meal, I crave something sweet afterward. Obviously, if I ate something sweet every time I craved it, I'd have to be carried out of my house on a forklift eventually. I can't afford to widen my doorways, so I try to limit the amount of sugar that passes my lips. Sometimes though, having such restraint is so hard. SO hard. It consumes all my thoughts and I have to actively find something to do to distract me from eating a donut or chocolate chip cookie or something equally yummy but awful. So when I do manage to resist such temptation, I feel like I need to brag to someone about it, or I deserve a medal or something. It's hard! Especially when I'm stressed/tired/emotional/bored/awake...But who really wants me to call them multiple times a day to let them know I avoided chocolate again? No one, that's who.

The biggest problem I have with this whole system is that the act of simply resisting the Evil Donut does not make me any skinnier. Sure, it may prevent me from getting fatter, which is all good and dandy and highly desireable, but it's not getting me any closer to being skinnier. It's just keeping me where I am right now, which still kinda sucks! If I wanted to shrink down in size I'd have to do more than resist dessert, I'd have to watch what I eat for dinner too. And then I'd have to exercise more, and who has time for that?

I wish that the mere act of not eating something bad for you when you wanted to would automaticaly burn like, 400 calories. That way, each time you resist food temptation, you would actually get closer to your goal, rather than staying in the same place. It's so genius! Why oh WHY can't the world work this way? Or we could make pastries and chocolate and bacon calorie free,but just as delicious. Either one is fine with me. I'm not picky.

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